lesson learned, where to from here???

So 2011 is drawing to a close and I've learned so much, about myself, about others and after some rather sucky  (I can think of a more descriptive word, but i'll keep it PG) eperiences, I've learned alot about people.  I've been lucky enough to have a very supportive husband and kidlings who know just what to say when I'm feeling a bit down.  I've been surrounded by genuine and loving people who have supported me, given me advice and help me find my corner of the sky.

I've also, however, been exposed to some rotten apples in the fruit bowl of life.  I've shared myself, offered support and attempted , where possible, to be a good and true friend only to get bitten in the butt (your welcome, once again to substitue for a more effective word). Why is that?? Do people believe that because you are kind and considerate that you are weak and easily manipulated??? If so, why??

I don't have an answer, I don't have a solution but I do know something that may shock you. It's extremly simple, it took me a while to realise and some more nasty experiences but the truth is, the world is full of people who, to put it midly, suck!  Now that we've cleared that up, the big question remains, where to from here?  Learming the lesson is one thing, but how do we make sure we are never exposed to the same betrayal or hurt again?

Should I perhaps have a checklist, one I could simply tick off  qualities like I tick off my groceries as they enter the cart.  it could go like this:

Not a drug dealer, tick.
Not beaten up by your boyfriend, require me to fetch you while you house is surrounded by cops, take your son and watch him while you try get your stuff organised, offer you a place to stay, drive you around  like the chaffeur in "Driving Miss Daisy" and receive no thanks, tick.
Not so self-absorb you manage to forget the members of your entourage, tick
Not broke and be begging me for money everytime we see each other, tick.

I could then create a secondary list, that would require the person to rate themselves on a scale form one to ten. It could go like this:

On a scale from one to ten, one been not at all and ten been extremely so, rate you character:

Are you a self-centered, egotistical bastard whose sole purpose in life is to make others miserable?
Do you have any intentions of pretending to care about me and my family but upon been near us act like a conceited twit?
Are you an ungrateful moron who once has received all available help will then claim that you received none at all?

Perhaps, my attempts at exposing rotten apples could leads us to all carry books recording all our characters.  Our potential future friends could read it and having all the details make an informed decision. That way, should you be a selfish user, said potential friend could ask themselves, do I want to became friends with someone who will only waste my time and abuse my friendship. Having made that decision, they could move forward with persuing the friendship or  simply hand the book back with a non-chalant "better luck next time".

Unfortunately, despite my liking the idea, it's not a realistic approach to making sure we never get hurt.  Yet again, the truth of the matter is rather simple, we cannot change who we are.  We can only focus on the good and when the bad presents itself make a decision as to how to handle it.  When we are betrayed, we could simply stand our ground, inform that person that you will not tolerate the treatment you are experiencing and walk away.

The best I can do is wish you luck and remind you that there are hundreds of bad people out there but there are also lots of decent, friendly and authentic people. Just be more selective, look before you leap and trust your intuition.  Making friends is hard, trusting them even harder but if you give them a chance some people may surprise for the better.

My new year's resolution, focus on the ones that matter and let the rest work itself out.

If that doesn't work, you could always we could always try taking up boxing, I hear it's rather soothing...just a thought.